Susie’s apology seemed sincere and she trod the delicate line of balancing contrition with amusement.

By now, it was less of a nose and more of a dying goldfish.

I went out the other day and was unable to walk properly. Standing upright was quite difficult.

We seem to have several seasons each week ... although more properly it is just several forms of winter.

An interesting phenomenon is that bean behaviour changes with alcohol consumption.

I quite enjoyed watching them, though a mute button wouldn’t have gone amis.

Yet, they watch programmes that are daft, depressing or dreadful - and occasionally all three

My human beans have long discussions about ‘What shall we have for our meal, this evening?’

Are they dangerous? Is it some kind of drug dropped by the ‘deep state’?

I doubt whether my life will change significantly so I’m not getting too excited.

Some of you will be wondering what on earth is this dog talking about.

Before I start a chase, I know my chances of success are almost zero.